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7 Loud Egyptians and Why!

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Ever ask yourself upon waking up in the morning why is all that noise from the street is there? Whether it’s the امبوبا guy pounding his wrench on the gas انابيب or the Bikya guy shouting out “Bikya”, we are surrounded with too much noise pollution! Here is our top 7  list of the loudest Egyptians and why they are the way they are. Infidels! We also made a rating scale of annoyance from 1-10 to give you an idea of how pissed off we get.

أنابيب مصر

1. أنابيب (Anabeeb, gas containers) Guy

This guy usually arrives on the your street around 9:43 AM or 11AM. Just sometime in the morning when you’re trying to have a lovely peaceful breakfast but it is rudely interrupted by this man. He’s usually on a Chinese motorcycle and has a few أنابيب hanging magically off it. How you ask? We have no idea. Here is the kicker! This guy literally doesn’t care about anyone because he will take a wrench and profusely bang his heart out and go to town on those أنابيب like there is no tomorrow! Look, we understand that there are households that function on natural gas from these أنابيب but these people have to learn a more civil way to be less F**KING NOISY AT 9AM!!! Annoying Level- 8/10

 

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2. Cotton Candy Guy

Never underestimate the cotton candy man. Don’t you do it! Don’t ever underestimate this noisy son of a…Allahom menee sayem. Seriously though. Jokes aside. This guy is just trying to sell some cotton candy to feed his children. It’s his أكل عيش  (bread and butter) at the end of the day. But here is our problem! You don’t need to wake up the entire neighborhood to sell diabetes-on-a-stick. And you don’t have to use that stupid bullhorn that makes that annoying “toot toot toot” sound to know that you’ve arrived! Annoying Level- 7/10

bikya

3. Bikya Guy

What’s more annoying than anything else you can imagine? Ahh yes. You’ve guessed correctly. The infamous Bikya guy. If there is a word in the Arabic language that hasn’t been overused more than any other word, it’s definitely “bikya”. You see guys, this man is a hardcore salesman and any salesman wants to sell his product no matter what. Using his traditional marketing approach with a donkey and  a cart, BikyaMan knows that he will eventually collect scraps and sell it for triple the profits. If anyone is really good at their job, BikyaMan wins again because of his passion for yelling out “Robobikya” multiple times over and over again. Now ask yourself this question; would our country be better off without these guys? Probably so. Are they ever going to disappear? No they won’t. Are you eventually ever going to give them your bikya? Perhaps, maybe one day. Until then, we’re all used to hearing “Bikya, bikya, bikya” in the most absurd tone. Annoying Level- 5/10

watermelon guy

4. Watermelon Guy

Don’t let watermelon man fool you. He can be  very annoying…sometimes. Since watermelon is a seasonal fruit, we only hear from this guy once every spring so don’t worry about dealing with him all year round. He has a cart with his watermelons on it and a megaphone to announce to the entire neighborhood that he has arrived. His sense of creating awareness puts him on our list for being able to compete with these other guys. Since he sports the “sha3bi salesman” voice, he can get super annoying with his watermelon announcements. Annoying Level- 3/10

fireworks

5. Fireworks Guys

Fireworks. Fireworks. Fireworks. Ok let us just get something off our chest. Ahem…STOP USING FIREWORKS AT 4AM and at random times in the day!!!! Whoever seriously decided that it’s a good time to celebrate an occasion at that particular time has lost their humanity. Why? Because they don’t give a sh*t about people and just want to make noise. Horrible exploding noise that makes you believe that bomb went off in the area. And all for what? What are these occasion that people are using fireworks in? New job? Fireworks! New baby? Fireworks! New car? You guessed it. Slay a chicken and cover its blood on the car! Look the point is this. Every other proper society doesn’t use fireworks unless it’s an actual occasion. In Dubai, they put on the biggest fireworks show in the world to celebrate New Years. In America, they celebrate their independence day with a big ass fireworks show. So whoever you are that is a noise-craving asshole, please stop.  Annoying Level- 10/10

stray dogs

6. Egyptian Dogs

Dogs will be dogs but they have got to stop their gang territory wars at night. We get that you guys can’t read this and never will know this knowledge but seriously find a shelter homies. Or get adopted or something.  Just stop barking and running everywhere around the neighborhood chasing each other. YOU STRAGGLERS!! In case you haven’t noticed this post was strictly addressed to the stray dogs and no one should take offence. Annoying Level- 9/10

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7. Egyptian Cats

So there was definitely no way we were going to leave cats off the this list. If anything, their late-night meows and rape shrieks make our blood boil. Sometimes you don’t know whether it’s a crying baby or a cat rape. And guys, let us tell you about cat-rap. It’s not a sight to be heard or seen. Really, we’ve never seen one but it usually sounds like this; “yeow yeow yyyyeyeyeeoww”. It’s basically an amplified version of the meow and really makes you want to sympathize with them because you feel that little bit of guilt inside as you bury your head underneath your pillow. Cats will be cats is really all we can say. Annoying Level- 7/10

Final Words

Well there you have it! A fully detailed list of the loudest Egyptians that you see on your street and hear their absurd sounds every day. Don’t be upset. At least you’re not creating all that horrible noise pollution. If you happen to be one of these guys or a dog or cat, God be with you. May He grant you a noiseless life because you have ANNOYED THE HELL OUT OF OURS!!! And of course if you would like to add to our list and see that we left someone out, feel free to comment below and let us know who truly annoys you. Thanks for reading!!!

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