5 Things that the New Suez Canal Will Give to Egyptians


With the opening of the New Suez Canal this week inshAllah, Egypt has been lauded for its tireless efforts in accomplishing this mega-feat of a project. Here at Al Hezb El Comedy, we decided to compile a nice list of 5 Things that the New Suez Canal Will Give to Egyptians. I think it’s our God given right to have these things below so read on and let us know if you have any other suggestions that we deserve.

Bragging Rights

braggin rights

My country is better than yours damn right; it’s better than yours. Those are song lyrics for those of you not familiar with Not only are Egyptians notoriously known for bragging about the pyramids and how it was our people that built it five thousand years ago, but that’s exactly the problem right there, it was five thousand years ago. Point is, if we had some sort of bragging rights before, now because of this mega project being completed, we have a little bit more to brag about.

More Money, More Problems

mo money mo problems

Our government has told us that this project will triple the income that it currently brings in by 2023. That’s huge! That’s very exciting news, wouldn’t you agree? However, like Biggie once said “Mo Money, Mo Problems”. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like that. We’re not about to embark on a journey of parties, booze and hos’. At least not yet! HI-OH!!

Basically, we know how much our people are really good at complaining. Like if complaining was an Olympic sport, we’d probably rank top ten. Scratch that, top five. Who are we kidding right? Once the money starts flowing, people are going to start complaining why the country hasn’t changed and why their pockets are still not larger. But like Buddha once said, “Patience is a virtue”. I don’t think that was Buddha that said that but you guys get my point.

More Bragging Rights

more braggin rights

We already discussed this above. Come twenty-five years down the line, Egyptians are going to be like “Remember when the New Suez Canal opened, it only took them one year to complete”. Just like we still brag about the pyramids until this day, we’re probably going to brag about this accomplishment for the next 5000 years. It’s okay though. We have to. And why do you ask? Because we’re extremely proud people! Fuck yeah! Name me a country that built a fully functional canal in a year. Talking to you Panama. See, it’s already happening and it hasn’t even opened yet. Do you see where I’m getting at?

A Sense of Hope


Let’s face it; our beloved Egypt has been through shit for the past 4 years. Like real shit. You guys live here so you know. For those who don’t know, this country has went to hell and back, then went there again and now it’s finally starting to move forward. About effin time right? I know it’s been one hell of a ride and all those infidel terrorists have been trying to hold it back. Well those terrorist son’s of bitches ain’t got nothing on this country. King Kong got nothing on Egypt! Boy, that escalated quickly.

Anyways, ranting aside, the New Suez Canal will give our people a new sense of hope that we didn’t have for the past 5000 years. You see what I did there? Boom! Seriously, I’m happy just writing this article about it. See how hopeful I am? That ladies and gentlemen is called HOPE! 



Not only will the New Suez Canal give our people a sense of hope but it will also give us security. The Armed Forces got it on lockdown. Seriously they do. The people need to feel safe and that is what our government has been trying to do and inshAllah(God willing), with this huge accomplishment, we will convey to the rest of the world that Egypt is indeed safe and secure. You can’t deny that the people of this country need to feel safe. How are we suppose to remain “Um el Dunya” (Mother of the World) if we’re not safe? Can’t be a mother if you don’t make your children feel safe.

Point is, we got it. It’s under control and InshAllah, we shall thrive. Call me an idealist because I AM!

Final Words

I’m super excited for the opening of this mega project because it will make all the haters shut their mouths and let our country move forward. Our challenge as a nation is to continue pushing for hope and optimism and live every day to make it better. This is what we hope for. Big congratulations to Egypt, its people and government for taking shit all these years and coming back stronger than ever! Here is to a bigger, better future for all of us inshAllah!